A 2004 University of Vermont study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” demonstrated that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements to their level of “relationship happiness”. Moreover, they experienced improved and healthier amounts of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. The reason being mindfulness is a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self and for others.
We’re human; conflicts are a predictable part of life’s journey. Inside a insomnia where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant close proximity, it’s natural that we won’t always see eye to eye with each other. Imagine this instance, whenever your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your lover says and does (and also by your ensuing reaction).
Anger is an immediate response and bitterness may be the path; These emotions call forth reactions as an alternative to principled responses. Countless regrettable actions and thoughts happen in such moments. I once did a talk within a bookstore and noted how the phrase “Sticks and stones may break bone but words will never hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words can cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester long after brittle bones have been healed. There was a songwriter inside the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote an audio lesson entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
As an alternative to keeping this negativity, you are able to consciously opt to behave differently. Let’s consider it together. Picture yourself in this heated moment when you find yourself flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. Imagine if you were in a position to feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or perhaps your partner?
Keep in mind that you don’t need to be physically as well as verbally abusive to be violent. Even thoughts could be destructive, especially as they are inadvertently reflected in your attitudes and behaviors. For instance, you are going to become withdrawn and demanding within the argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. The opposite person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the other way round, and before you know it you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting caught up in them. And instead, why not strike once the iron is cold? Let yourself cool-down and cool off, and share how you feel and thoughts when you find yourself ready and are competent at clarity and compassion.
You won’t regret it.
“Prejudice of any sort ensures that you might be identified with the thinking mind.
It implies you don’t start to see the other person anymore, however only your own personal notion of that person. To reduce the aliveness of someone else person to some concept is definitely a sort of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
That is amazing you are well on a sailboat inside the ocean, and navigating these waves may be the lifetime of life. It doesn’t matter how well you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown astray sometimes. One of the most capable fishermen and sailors recognize that sometimes a very important thing you are able to do-or the one thing you are able to do-is to only ride out your storm. Let the feelings blow due to you after which pass. Ride out of the mental storm. It’s just a cascade of chemicals, you know, based on fear. I have listed waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you pointed out that it’s quicker to stay afloat once you relax the body rather than once you tense up and panic within the water?
Embrace the storms, then, on your journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t let yourself drown within their drama either. Keep yourself grounded with one of these mantras:
Storms always pass. There’s no need to panic or fear.
Ride out your storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings blow out of me…
Later I’ll analyze the storm. Now I need only observe it. Now I’ll hold on tight and survive.
Later, you will have the clarity of mind to stay and much better analyze the storm, also to understand what caused it. It’s also possible to get the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance would you notice?
What helped you survive? How could you get this transition easier in the future?
Make use of the storm just as one possiblity to gain innovative skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Above all, do not forget that storms are a part of life, but you hold the chance to navigate on your path through them. You’ll always resume calm clear skies.
“Obstacles don’t block the road; these are the path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles is an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Make positive changes to Story, Make positive changes to Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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