A 2004 University of Vermont study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” established that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements to their level of “relationship happiness”. Moreover, they experienced improved and healthier degrees of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. This is because mindfulness can be a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self as well as for others.
We’re human; conflicts are unfortunately a portion of life’s journey. Within a anxiety where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant closeness, it’s natural that individuals won’t always see eye to eye together. Imagine such an instance, when your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your spouse says and does (and by your ensuing reaction).
Anger is surely an immediate response and bitterness may be the path; These emotions call forth reactions as an alternative to principled responses. Numerous regrettable thoughts and actions happen in such moments. I remember when i did a chat within a bookstore and noted how the phrase “Sticks and stones may break our bones but words won’t hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words may cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester for a while following brittle bones have already been healed. There is a songwriter in the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote music entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
Rather than holding this negativity, it is possible to consciously elect to behave differently. Let’s visualize it together. Picture yourself in that heated moment when you find yourself flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. What if you’re capable to feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or your partner?
Remember that you don’t should be physically and even verbally abusive being violent. Even thoughts can be destructive, especially because they’re inadvertently reflected in your attitudes and behaviors. For instance, you’ll become withdrawn and important during an argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. One other person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the other way around, and before very long you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting depressed by them. And instead, have you thought to strike if the iron is cold? Allow yourself to cool down and cool off, and share your feelings and thoughts when you find yourself ready and are capable of clarity and compassion.
You won’t regret it.
“Prejudice of any sort means that you might be identified with all the thinking mind.
It indicates you don’t see the other human being anymore, only your individual thought of that human being. To lessen the aliveness of another human being into a concept is a sort of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
Imagine that happen to be on a sailboat in the ocean, and navigating these waves may be the course of life. It doesn’t matter how you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown off course sometimes. The most capable fishermen and sailors realize that sometimes a good thing it is possible to do-or the one thing it is possible to do-is to simply ride the storm. Allow the feelings blow due to you and after that pass. Ride from the mental storm. It’s just a cascade of chemicals, you understand, according to fear. These are just waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you noticed that it’s better to stay afloat whenever you relax the body rather than whenever you tense up and panic in water?
Embrace the storms, then, on your own journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t allow yourself to drown of their drama either. Remain grounded with one of these mantras:
Storms always pass. You shouldn’t have to panic or fear.
Ride the storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings fly out of me…
Later Let me analyze the storm. Now I need only observe it. Now Let me hold on and survive.
Later, you will have the clarity of mind to take a seat and better analyze the storm, and also to determine what caused it. You may also uncover the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance do you notice?
What helped you survive? How can you choose this transition easier in the future?
Use the storm just as one chance to gain additional skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Most importantly, keep in mind that storms certainly are a portion of life, but you possess the chance to navigate your path through them. You will always come back to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles don’t block the trail; those are the path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles is surely an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Make positive changes to Story, Make positive changes to Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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