One of the biggest secrets we try to keep is a sense of self-governance and self-esteem. The idea or feeling that you are crucial in some unique way, that you are loved by a unique person, that an individual is giving you special attention, these are some of the ego’s very delicate secrets. We are trying to hide our Sacred Self and are partaking in all these different games, which look to be very disturbing. It is pretty depressing and it really doesn’t go anywhere, so we attempt to get scraps of unique love, attention and recognition to prop ourselves up.
We toil so hard at becoming “superior people”, at obtaining greater intelligence and more skills. We want to be liked more and be more popular. The entire self-help field is focused on bettering the self so you can grow into a better you. That is another trick we secretly partake on ourselves, thinking we have to keep turning our wheels trying to become better. This self-improvement game is another secret we can to learn to let go of. It is very soothing when you start to grasp that you do not have to become any better than you currently are. You were created perfect. It is not through self-improvement that you find peace but through self-acceptance.
As I worked with A Course in Miracles, I could notice that there was a fear of divine love in my mind. I realized this was the ego’s apprehension of losing itself. The ego is afraid of being uncovered and being perceived as a puff of nothingness. That is the apprehension of intimacy. We discuss about this dread in relationships, which is sometimes portrayed as fear of sexual intimacy, but it is really a fear of dropping our persona, our mask of distinctiveness. It is the fear of getting swept away by a magnificent love, a love so intense that none of us can even envision something as magnificent and mighty!
For me, those are the big secrets, because it doesn’t start off with this great realization. It always starts with feeling like you have done something inappropriate, whether you’ve pleasured yourself, stolen something, malhandled someone, or there is something in your mind that you have considered as so ghastly that you don’t even want to confront it, you just want to overlook about it and push it out of awareness.
Beneath all those recollections and thoughts, is the belief that we are parted. This is the “secret” we hide. It really is an unattainable belief, but we think that it is true; We have judged it as horrific and have pushed it out of consciousness. All unconscious guilt comes from this belief in separation. And as you really give yourself over to the miracle, you feel all those hidden beliefs and secrets are being washed away and you finally encounter this hidden belief in disunion!
Please, share any thoughts and comments with me below, I’d love to hear about your experience!
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