A 2004 University of New york study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” demonstrated that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements to their a higher level “relationship happiness”. In addition, they experienced improved and healthier numbers of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. It is because mindfulness is a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self and then for others.
We’re human; conflicts are a predictable part of life’s journey. In the love where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant closeness, it’s natural that we won’t always see eye to eye collectively. Imagine this instance, whenever your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your lover says and does (through your ensuing reaction).
Anger is an immediate response and bitterness may be the path; These emotions call forth reactions rather than principled responses. Numerous regrettable actions and thoughts happen in such moments. I once did a talk in a bookstore and noted that the phrase “Sticks and stones may break our bones but words won’t hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words can cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester for a while following bone fractures happen to be healed. There is a songwriter in the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote music entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
Instead of keeping this negativity, you are able to consciously decide to behave differently. Let’s consider it together. Picture yourself in this heated moment if you are flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. Let’s say you are capable of feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or perhaps your partner?
Keep in mind that you don’t have to be physically or perhaps verbally abusive being violent. Even thoughts could be destructive, especially as they are inadvertently reflected inside our attitudes and behaviors. For example, you are going to become withdrawn and critical within the argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. One other person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the other way around, and before long you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting caught up in them. And instead, have you thought to strike once the iron is cold? Let yourself cool-down and funky off, and share your emotions and thoughts if you are ready and they are competent at clarity and compassion.
You won’t regret it.
“Prejudice of any sort ensures that you are identified together with the thinking mind.
It implies you don’t begin to see the other man anymore, but only your own personal notion of that man. To cut back the aliveness of someone else man with a concept is a type of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
Suppose that you’re on a sailboat in the ocean, and navigating these waves may be the course of life. No matter how you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown off course sometimes. Essentially the most capable fishermen and sailors understand that sometimes the good thing you are able to do-or the one thing you are able to do-is to only ride the storm. Let the feelings blow through you then pass. Ride out your mental storm. It’s merely a cascade of chemicals, you realize, determined by fear. These are merely waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you remarked that it’s better to stay afloat if you relax your system as opposed to if you tense up and panic in the water?
Embrace the storms, then, on your own journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t let yourself drown of their drama either. Remain grounded using these mantras:
Storms always pass. You don’t have to panic or fear.
Ride the storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings fly out of me…
Later I am going to analyze the storm. Now I would like only observe it. Now I am going to hang on and pull through.
Later, you’ve got the clarity of mind to sit down and better analyze the storm, and also to know very well what caused it. You may also uncover the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance would you notice?
What helped you pull through? How could you get this transition easier in the foreseeable future?
Utilize storm as a possible opportunity to gain additional skills to temper your emotional upheavals. First and foremost, remember that storms can be a part of life, but you contain the capacity to navigate the right path through them. You’ll always come back to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles tend not to block the trail; these are path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles is an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Change Your Story, Change Your Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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